Honestly, you can’t turn your back for a second here at Underhill Towers… I’ve just sat down to type up my blog and lo and behold, it looks like my pets have beaten me to it! I thought Ziggy and Poppy were behaving suspiciously in my office earlier! They’ve been busily typing away, summarising their thoughts about all the festive shenanigans that have been going on around here. So, I’ll hand over to my pets for this one. Enjoy!
(Please address any complaints FAO Ziggy and Poppy. Opinions are entirely the authors’ own!Christmas: A Pet’s Eye View
Hello there, people in the screen! It’s Ziggy and Poppy here, Karl’s ‘pets’ (he likes to think he’s the owner and we’re the pets … really, we know it’s the other way round but hey, we humour him, it keeps him happy!). We just wanted to let you know about some strange goings on around here. It’s possible that the Underhill family are losing the plot, much as we love them. For a start, they’ve brought a tree into the house. IN THE HOUSE! I mean, Poppy got in trouble for bringing a stick in the other day but they’ve brought a whole tree in AND decorated it with lights and sparkly things, and no-one’s even batted an eyelid. Well, we say no-one – our new little kitty brother, Goose, has batted more than an eyelid! He’s batted pretty much every bauble on every branch, not to mention climbing to the top and having a go at getting the star, too. He seems to think it’s a star prize and who can blame him. He’s just a kitten though so we leave him to it. These young ‘uns have more energy than we do.
Anyway, talking of Goose we are very concerned for his safety. We’ve overheard the Underhills planning what they’re calling ‘Christmas Dinner’ and they mentioned the idea of cooking Goose instead of turkey this year! We’re horrified! We always thought they were good, caring, kind, dependable people. Then, Mrs Underhill said ‘No, I think we’ll stick with turkey’ (what a relief) ‘but I’ll definitely cook the potatoes in Goose fat!’ He’s not even overweight, poor little thing. It’s no wonder he’s trying to hide inside that new house-tree. Honestly, we’re concerned that they’ve gone a little mad.
The other day, on the coldest day of the year, instead of sitting inside by the warm fire (where we were, obviously) they put on all their coats and hats and scarves and took their mini-Underhill outside to play with this tiny sprinkling of cold, white stuff that was out there. Half an hour later they came in complaining that they were freezing. I mean, seriously. They should’ve followed our example and stayed curled up in the warmth – we did try to show them what to do!
The madness doesn’t end there though. It seems they have a new game of bringing things into the house in bags, taking them out of the bags, then covering them in paper. We’ve tried to show them the error of their ways by pulling the paper off again, but we get in trouble. We have a vague recollection of them doing this before and, as Poppy pointed out, they seem to realise all at once that it’s not a good idea and rip the paper off everything on one particular morning. Really, that bit’s quite fun and we like to get involved but if they listened to us in the first place, we’d save them a lot of time and effort. Ah well, what do we know, we’re only animals, ha ha! These humans think they’re so smart.
There are flashing lights all over the outside of the house all of a sudden, too. They can be a bit of a distraction when you’re trying to sleep to be honest. Perhaps they’re some kind of warning to the outside world that there are strange goings on in the house at the moment. Although, people don’t seem to be taking heed and staying away – in fact, we’ve been having more visitors than ever before. Poppy likes them (yes, I do, I like to greet them with an enthusiastic wag!), but as for Ziggy and Goose, well we tend to make ourselves scarce (some people earn a warm welcome, but only a select few).
There seems to be food all over the house that we’re not allowed to eat, as well. There were some things that smelt delicious wrapped in foil hanging from the tree that the mini-Underhill was allowed to eat from time to time, but Karl took those away as soon as Goose expressed an interest, saying it could be poisonous! Not really sure why they’d be feeding it to their child, then? Seems a bit dangerous but, as we said, they have been acting pretty irresponsibly lately. Ziggy tried to swipe a bit of Karl’s sweet-smelling pie that he was enjoying with his coffee the other day but again was told ‘No! That’s poisonous!’ – yet Karl then polished the whole thing off! It’s so confusing. We’ve been following him round since, checking for signs of illness but so far, so good. He seems to have been lucky this time. Maybe he did some self-treatment at the surgery.
Oh no, Goose has just called … he’s keeping lookout and it sounds as though Karl is on his way back so we’d better sign off. If there are any other pets out there who are concerned about their humans’ strange behaviour at the minute, please let us know, just so we know we’re not alone. They keep saying ‘Merry Christmas’ to everyone – maybe that’s some kind of code to listen out for? Anyway, fingers crossed that normal service resumes soon. Until then, take care everyone – stay safe.
Meow and woof from Ziggy and Poppy xx